5 Things to remember if you are in a Custody Battle in North East Oklahoma

These 5 things are critical to remember if you are in a custody battle in Rogers, Mayes, Delaware, Craig or other North East Oklahoma County.

1. You and Your Ex may be in a Battle but Your Children are Not
Too many times, parents that are in a split try to use their children as weapons against the other parent or try to turn the children against the other parent.  This will harm yourself more than your Ex and potentially traumatize your children.  A Court will always do what it believes to be in the best interest of the child and if your Judge thinks you are using the children or unreasonably keeping the children away from your Ex, the Judge will often determine that you are not best for the children.  Judges will always encourage co-parenting when possible.

2. Your Texts and Social Media Posts may be Used Against You
Anything you say can and will be used against you.  While that is not entirely true in family law, it should be remembered. If you post to social media, even if you block your ex from directly seeing it, it may be discovered and can be used in Court.  The same applies to your text messages with your Ex.  If you continually send threatening messages to your Ex when you are out of Court, do not expect a Judge to be on your side when you are in Court.

3. You Need to Forget the Past and Plan for the Future
What has happened is over.  While past events or actions are used to indicate a pattern that may predict future actions, the goal of the Court is put an Order in place for the future.  The Court will be less likely to hear an argument that starts out with “but the other person did…” and more likely to listen to an argument that starts out with “but the other person will do…”.  Because a Judge will look to the future, if you can demonstrate you are attempting to correct a problem from the past through counseling or other resource, a Judge will often give you credit for accepting a mistake and taking steps to fix it.

4. Don’t Listen to Your Friends or Family above your Lawyer
If you pay a lawyer, why would you not listen to their advice? I am amazed at how many times after I advise a client, their response is “but my friend said I should [fill in the blank]”.  If you are paying a professional, why take someone else’s advice? If you do not trust your lawyer, you should get a different lawyer, otherwise you should listen to them.   Your lawyer should know when to take additional legal action.  Your lawyer will also know what your Judge is going to want to see and the weight of the evidence more than your friends.

5. Be Reasonable
Many people believe that because things with their Ex did not work out, their Ex is automatically a terrible person and deserves the worst outcome.  While sometimes it is true, most of the time it is not.  A Judge once told me that in criminal cases they see the worst people at their best and in custody cases they see the best people at their worst.  A Judge does not have the same negative emotions towards your Ex that you do.  If you try to unreasonably paint your Ex out to be a terrible person when in fact they are not, it will only look bad on you in the eyes of the Judge.